Fall in Love

I recently watched a video with Bruce Lipton where he talked about the importance of falling in love.

What I loved about it (pun very much intended) was that it wasn’t so much about the importance of falling in love with another person (which can be good too), but rather, just being in a state of LOVE.  No matter what you are doing, to fall in love with that.

Fall in love with your job, your meditation practice, with working out, with doing the dishes, whatever has your attention at that moment.

The other aspect of the video was that when you are in a state of love, your conscious mind stays in the present moment and is focused on that which you desire the most.

We talk at length in our NLP trainings about the importance of the Unconscious Mind and the Conscious Mind.  It is the captain of the ship. It is the one telling the crew where to go. So with that in mind, if you fall in love with your dreams and aspirations and live in a state of being in love, your conscious mind is focused on that which you desire the most and the 126 bits of information that you allow to come into your perception will be the very things that you need to achieve your outcomes.

Let me back up.  We have 2 million bits of information bombarding our nervous system at any given moment but we can actually consciously pick up about 126 bits.  It doesn’t matter whether you are an enlightened being of Joe Schmo, that is just how we work as human beings. This comes from the book FLOW by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. So, the idea is not to increase how much you take in, but rather to get choosy about what you pick up on.  

So, if you are in a state of love and focused on what makes your heart sing and you are in that state consciously, your reticular activation system kicks in and you begin to see, hear, and experience the 126 bits that correlate to your desires.

This isn’t just NLP.  Many of the wisdom traditions and schools of personal growth emphasize the importance of being in a space of love because it is a high vibration frequency and has a magnetic quality. And from A Course in Miracles, the only real emotion is love everything other than love is just an illusion.

So, with that said dear one, how can you shift into love?  Think of it this way. Anything that makes you feel alive, expansive, and just plain good is love! So do more of that.  Anything that makes you feel tight, constricted, and yucky is the absence of love.  Do less of that. Pretty simple.  Follow the yum!

Let’s fall in LOVE together!

From my loving expansive heart to yours…
With Aloha,
PK

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Let Go of Attachment

Total transparency? This one is a doozy for me.  I have been a control freak most of my life. In my defense, I am a Capricorn and kinda wired that way.  I never use things like astrology as an excuse, however, so I have had to learn to overcome my desire to manage everything when it comes to outcomes.

One of the things we talk about in our NLP trainings is that once you have set a goal or have an outcome in mind, you must let go of your attachment to it.  That is not to say that you sit back and do nothing, you get into action right away.

It is more about letting go of your attachment to the exact form and manifestation of the outcome.  As a type A self-identified “doer” I have, at times, wanted to micromanage every aspect of a how a goal manifests and what I have found is that the universe, and the powers that be do a way better job of handling the “how” than I ever could.

Most of the time, when you do let go of your death grip on the how and allow things to unfold with ease and flow, the how is 10 times better and easier than anything you could have imagined or tried to manufacture.

I am not saying it is an easy thing to do, but it is necessary for living a whole-hearted, resilient, and empowered life.

We have to trust.  We have to have faith that if we have followed the 4 requisites for change, let go of our baggage, set a goal, gotten into action, and are maintaining our focus, that the “how” will be revealed to us. And if we try to force, or muscle our way through it, we will often miss an opportunities to manifest the goal faster and more efficiently because we were too busy trying to control the outcome.

So, how do you do this? Be in action and remain open and flexible. Remember that one of the presuppositions of NLP (the mindset of successful people) the Law of Requisite Variety which states that the person with the most flexibility will be the most successful and in charge.  So, at some point you do simply need to let go, trust, and “let God” as they say.

Do the work, and keep your eyes, and ears open for other ways and means of getting there. Open your mind and your heart to every possibility.  Keep your focus on your desired result while staying in Hakalau (expanded peripheral vision) and you will be astounded at what shows up for you.

So dear one, from one control freak to another, I invite you to try this on.  I can tell you from experience, it is WAY more fun!

From my loving and surrendering heart to yours…

With Aloha,
PK

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Allow Yourself To Receive

I sat down recently to meditate on this concept.  It is interesting that as driven type A individuals we tend to be a great deal better at doing and giving than we are at being and receiving.

I think there is a misconception about the concept of allowing oneself to receive. I believe our culture has misconstrued this to be selfish. We admire those who give selflessly and we don’t want to be perceived as “takers”. But the truth is that to allow yourself to receive is a form of giving.  

When you don’t take a compliment you rob the person paying you that compliment of the opportunity to feel good.

When you don’t graciously accept a gift, you rob the giver of the positive feeling of giving.  

When you don’t say yes to someone lending you a hand, you prevent them from being generous.

You essentially take that away from them.

The other part of this has to do with our ability to embrace our worthiness. If somewhere in our programming we truly don’t believe that we deserve to be happy, to be loved, to be nurtured, or to experience pleasure then we won’t allow for any of those things to come into our lives.  No matter how much we say we want those things, our programming simply won’t allow it.

It is not an easy shift to make to change the frame for oneself about receiving, but it is a crucial part of having a resilient and truly wholehearted existence.  

Life is meant to be a harmony.  Given that everything exists in dichotomies, we must allow for both sides of any coin to exist.  Which means to give fully we must also receive openly.

For a long time, I didn’t create the space to receive.  I didn’t know how to accept a compliment graciously. I didn’t know how to allow people to help me when I needed it.  I didn’t know how to be nurtured and cared for because I was convinced I had to do all of that for myself.

I am a big believer in being self-reliant, self-sufficient, and independent, and I am learning that to receive is not mutually exclusive to any of those attributes.

So, dear one, I ask you this.  How will you receive this week?  What are you willing to allow into your experience? Leave your comment below and let’s fill our wells together.

From my loving heart to yours…

With Aloha,

PK

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Aho Nui. Patient Perseverance

If you have been looking at my posts on Instagram and/or Facebook lately you know that over the past 2 weeks I was on the Big Island of Hawaii attending at teaching at our Huna workshop.

There are people from all walks of life, religions and spiritual backgrounds that attend because Huna is not a religion. It can be a spiritual path for some and it can also help to enhance one’s own individual path if it isn’t Huna. That is what I love about it. It is entirely inclusive and flexible enough to take in and embrace any and everyone that is called to it.

A large part of the path is learning the true meaning of the word Aloha. For most people, they attribute that word to being a greeting or a farewell in Hawaii. It can most certainly be that and there is so much more to the word than that. Much like the word Namaste in India.

A part of the meaning of the word Aloha is Aho Nui or patient perseverance. Every time I come to Huna I walk away with a bunch of life lessons and one always stands out more than the rest.

This time the lesson for me started from the moment I landed on the island. It has been that of Aho Nui. Now, I must give you some background. If you know me, you know that I pretty much do everything in an accelerated fashion. From trainings, to the speed at which I process and speak, to how I drive. But the most profound example is really how I entered this world. I was ready to be here and I wasn’t wasting any time.

From the time my mom went into labor to the time I popped out was about 30 minutes. In fact her delivery was so fast, that her uterus was still contracting after I came out. It was like her body didn’t realize I had made my way out.

From that moment on, it has been like that in my life. Always in “Go” mode. Always moving fast. I mean there is a reason why New York City used to be my favorite place on the planet (I must admit the Big Island has bumped NYC to the number 2 spot). I like to MOVE FAST!

But my lesson here has been to slow down. Whether behind the wheel of my car (yes I have a few speeding tickets) or progressing down a spiritual path of learning and teaching this body of work.

I remember when I was at my level 1 of Huna. I just wanted to learn everything right there and then. I thought, “seriously, I have to wait until level 4 to know some of this stuff?” But the truth is that a spiritual path (well any path really) isn’t about your destination or getting there already. It is about the lessons you learn along the way. The incredible feedback of falling down face first on the path and what it takes to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again.

I am no stranger to resilience and the lesson I got at this Huna is that sometimes you just have to wait. Calmly, patiently, even uncomfortably, wait. The answer always and inevitably comes and usually when you least expect it. The healing always comes. And it usually sneaks up on you. You just wake up one day and realize that the hurt, the sadness, the grief has finally passed. You wake up one day and your body has healed or all the work you have been doing to be healthy and fit is now just your new normal. You wake up one day and the career of your dreams has manifested. You wake up one day and the relationship you have dreamed of your whole life is suddenly a reality.

So dear one. May you find the peace, the grace, and the patient perseverance to get up and keep going.

From my loving heart to yours…
With Aloha,
Pegah

 

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Know Who You Are

Dr. John Ryan often starts off our NLP training talking about the two big problems we tend to face as human beings.

1. Finding our purpose

2. Fulfilling that purpose.

From a Huna perspective that is also true and inside the pillars of resilience I created about 4 years ago, that theme also runs true.  In fact, if you look at any of the ancient wisdom traditions they tend to emphasize the importance of knowing who you are or uncovering your dharma as a key aspect of moving down a path toward enlightenment.

In our western culture, we tend to get it kind of out of order. When we are in college we think, what should I do? We tend to pick a path based on what our parents or society tells us is “responsible” because ultimately it is about being able to support ourselves and make money.  We go after having things.

Get the degree, the job, the house, the money, the cars, the spouse etc.

There is nothing wrong with having things at all. It is just that often from that approach, we are left feeling a little empty and asking ourselves why we aren’t fulfilled or happy even though we have “everything.”

We feel guilty and think, there has to be more to life than this.  I should be doing something else. Then maybe we change jobs, careers, spouses, locations, any number of things to figure out what may be lacking.

The truth is that nothing is lacking.  We have simple either lost our way and our sense of identity or we just didn’t have that to begin with.

I struggled with this for what seemed to be like forever.  I thought I was following my passion in becoming a performer rather than the doctor my family wanted me to be but then when my life got turned upside down after my divorce I realized that my identity had been wrapped up in what I was doing for a living and in being a wife.

So, without those things, who was I?

The same thing happened when my father passed away.  Despite the fact that I was finally doing what I loved in a field that truly does feel like my calling, when he passed away, my identity came into question because I didn’t realize just how much of who I identified with was wrapped up in him.

It was his passing that put me on the path of really getting a sense of who I am.  I am not my what I do for a living or even who I am to the people in my life. Who I am runs a great deal deeper than that and it is a great deal bigger than that.

When I got clear on that, everything I was doing started to flow with so much more ease. I could simply be me on stage when I teach. I could be me with my clients. I could be me in my interactions with my friends and family.

No apologies, no shame, and nothing that is wrapped up in anyone or anything else but me.

When you know who you are.  I mean really know who you are everything else makes sense and you not only get clear on what it is you really want to do, but you also get the value of nurturing yourself.  You realize that you are not just a physical body. You have an emotional body that needs care, a mental body that needs stimulation, and a spiritually body that has been waiting for you to connect.

When you are in the space of your beingness, all that you desire and deserve flows to you with little effort.

This doesn’t mean you sit back and do nothing. It means what you do feels right.  It feels like home. It feels like you are pono or totally congruent in your own skin.

It is an ever evolving process and it takes a lot of inner exploration but man is it worth it when you start to see and stand in your own light.

And remember that “no matter who you think you are, you are so much more than that” -Matthew B James.

So, who are you really? It starts with a question and a willingness to start hearing the answer because the only place it comes from is your own heart.

It is a quiet whisper so listen well.

From my loving heart to yours.

With Aloha,

Pegah

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When You Lose Someone

I got up yesterday feeling a little off though I couldn’t really put my finger on what it was. I did my usual morning routine of meditation and my workout and after getting ready for my day, I sat down for my first coaching call of the day.
The call went great but I was keenly aware that something was notably off about my energy.
After the call, I decided to take my dog for a walk by the water because I figured if I connected with nature and especially the water element, that would really help.
As I walked down to the beach I began to realize that it was exactly one year ago today (this was written on March 6th) that I got to see my dad alive for the last time.
The last memory I have of him is so sweet it brings tears to my eyes and a smile on my face every time I think about it.
My brother and I were with our dad in my brother’s home office drinking Scotch (yes I drink Scotch) and I wanted to share a stand-up show with the two of them that had made me laugh so hard I could hardly breathe. We were all standing in his office as I cued up the show to the bit that had me in stitches (it was about the comedian’s experience with our TSA so as you can imagine with all my travel I found it hilarious). The picture in my mind is of the two most important men in my life (and also my two favorite human beings) and I laughing our asses off. My dad was always a pretty quiet guy so to hear him laugh out loud and with such gusto was such a treat.
 I wanted to bottle that moment up. I wanted to stitch it into my heart forever because it was so precious. I didn’t realize at the time just how much. We watched a little more and then decided we would all call it a night. I remember hugging my dad and saying goodbye because he was leaving in the morning earlier than I was so I wasn’t going to see him before he took off.
You don’t realize just how important goodbyes really are until you have lost someone dear to you. Every day, I wish that I had hugged him a little longer. That I had told him I love him one more time. I would honestly give anything to go back and relive that moment again. It’s not that I have regrets at all just a longing to hold my dad again.
It was exactly one week later that he passed away from a heart attack. Funny and I don’t know why but I didn’t get to talk to him again despite the fact that usually, we talked on a daily basis.
I guess that last sweet memory is what I was meant to be left with.
I thought about all of this as I took my pup to the spot where I officially said goodbye to my dad this past December around the time of my birthday.
I had a group of friends with me as I wrote his name on a piece of paper, which I burned and scattered in the wind at the top of this bluff overlooking the ocean near my house. I would often go up there and talk to him on the phone when he was alive so it seemed like the right place for me to set him free. In my mind, a part of him is still there on that bluff and so I sat there with him yesterday and I cried.
I didn’t fight it. I didn’t resist, I just cried because it was what felt right. I knew it wasn’t baggage but simply appropriate sadness that needed to be expressed.
And when I was done crying, I sat quietly for a while just feeling the breeze. I associate my dad with the air element because I remember the day I got to see his body at the funeral home, I came out, sat down outside and was so aware of this beautiful gentle breeze that caressed my face as I did Ho’oponopono with him. I feel him in the breeze all the time now. So yesterday as I sat there, after being with him for a while, I decided I would do Ho’oponopono with him again.
This ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness is the thing that has made grieving his loss and healing from it so much easier.
I don’t know where I would be without all the techniques that we teach and practice at The Empowerment Partnership and this one is the one that has helped me the most in this process.
I have the honor of teaching it to our students at our next Practitioner training and I do so with so much reverence because it saved my life.
My teacher and mentor Dr. Matt James wrote a beautiful book about it and it was actually his thesis when he got his Ph.D. in health psychology. So not only do we know it works because it has been around for thousands of years, but now there is research to back it up as well.
There are 3 different ways to use it.
  1. To be free of baggage with someone that has wronged you
  2. To strengthen a bond with someone that you still have a relationship with
  3. To say goodbye to someone who has passed away so you can disconnect from the vessel and allow the memory of them to live on in your mind and heart.
We teach it at our training and if you want to learn more or read the book, click here.
As I write this I am on a plane to Miami which was where I was at, our practitioner training, last year when I got the news of my father’s death. Anniversaries of these kinds of events are never easy and I also know that I go into this time with fondness, peace, and nothing but love in my heart for my dad.
I think he would be proud of the work I do and I carry him with me in my heart every time I get up on that stage or get on a call with a client. He was a teacher and as I follow in his footsteps I hope to honor him and do him proud.
I love you daddy.
From my loving heart to all of yours,
With Aloha,
Pegah
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How Do I Make It Easier?

As many of you know, I am on the road well over 50% of the year. Being that it was my first full year of that kind of travel last year, I didn’t know just how challenging it would be.

I don’t just mean in terms of not being home and maintaining routines. I mean even just small things like having to pack an unpack my freaking toiletries every time I came home.

That and eating as much hotel food as I did, even though I always choose the healthiest thing on the menu, took its toll big time.

Not to mention that my overall health and fitness took a backseat too.

So during our break this past December I decided I was going to do it differently in 2018.

Whether you travel a little or a lot, I wanted to share with you the 10 things that I have implemented that have made my life SO much easier and have really kept me on track, even, on the road. Alisa Vitti who is an expert in women’s health and especially hormone balance and adrenal fatigue, says in her book Woman Code that we often think that going on a vacation or work trip means we don’t have to do our regular routines or it will be hard to do them and the truth is that when you go away, your brain is primed for creating new neural pathways so to create a new habit is actually easier and to maintain your routines is really important.

  1. The first thing I did was to get some great gear. Having a lightweight, easy to maneuver suitcase is huge. They are so reasonably priced at Costco. I got a set of 2 for $150!
  2. I got two of everything in my toiletries and makeup. One of the biggest hassles was just packing and unpacking that stuff every time. Now I don’t even have to think about it. That stuff just stays in my suitcase.
  3. If I know that I am going to be gone for more than 3 days (which is most times for me), I take with me a second smaller suitcase which I lovingly refer to as my kitchen. In it, I have a small collapsible silicone tea kettle, a portable blender, a small hot plate (yes that says hot plate. I’ll explain in a moment), and all of my supplements and protein shakes. See, I am determined this year to keep my food as clean as possible!
  4. I started researching meal delivery services in all the cities I go to before I get there and I have as many clean meals as days I am there delivered to my hotel…hence the hot plate so I can reheat the food. Now, you could use the microwave but I don’t use them because of what they do to food…discussion for another time.
  5. I have Beachbody on demand! See, I hate hotel gyms and I don’t have the luxury of staying at a hotel that has a nice run path nearby so the on-demand option lets me have hundreds of workouts at my fingertips wherever I go.
  6. I made a commitment with one of my colleagues that we would work out together every day when we are on the road together. This way, on the days when I don’t want to get up 5:30 I just do because we made a commitment to each other to keep us accountable.
  7. Melatonin, sleep mask, and earplugs. Sleep is so important. I make sure I am going to get the good kind. I also have a white noise app on my phone which I like because it drowns out anything that could wake me up.
  8. I stick to my spiritual practices. This is huge. I meditate every day and do my Ho’oponopono (Hawaiian practice of forgiveness) every night. This is just maintenance. When I don’t do it, I feel a huge difference.
  9. When I get back, I immediately unpack and do laundry. I find if I wait, it feels like a chore but if I do it right away, it is almost like the completion of the trip
  10. I practice gratitude. On any day whether I am traveling or at home, I finish the day looking back (recapitulation) and highlighting the 3 things I am most grateful for. This keeps me energized and I go to bed feeling awesome

Some of these things are easy and some take a little doing but all of them have seriously upgraded my experience as a road warrior. I hope you find a few nuggets to make your travel life easier as well.

Planning ahead is the key to success in anything. I love the quote, “Failing to plan is planning to fail”. Now, we don’t really buy into the failure in NLP (There is no such thing as failure only feedback) and the quote makes a good point about thinking ahead.

Here’s to your continued success and resilience!

From my loving heart to yours with Aloha,

Pegah

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What Are Your Patterns?

I was recently at a networking event. Now, I am not usually a fan of these things and I was glad I went.

As I walked around meeting people and telling them about what I do, I found myself saying over and over again that I am a coach that works with high-achieving game-changing people who are killing it at work and as a result, also killing themselves and their relationships in the process.

It was the simplest way to define what resilience coaching is really about for me.

Why am I so passionate about doing this work? Because I was the very person that I now serve.  In fact, as recently as this past year, I nearly burned myself out.

A couple of months ago, after feeling exhausted all of the time, I decided to get some tests done to see what the heck was going on with my body.

You see, empowerment and resilience are not just about the mind and the emotions, we have to take into consideration what our bodies are doing as well. One is not independent of the other.  They are in fact, interconnected and interdependent.

So, I got these tests done to measure my hormone levels because I knew something had to be done. It didn’t make sense. I exercise, I eat well, and yet I was exhausted and gaining weight instead of maintaining or losing.

Well, as it turns out, I was suffering from adrenal fatigue to the degree that the doctor told me it was a good thing we found out when we did because I was just shy of levels that would require me to be hospitalized.

That was my wake up call. As a result, I got really serious about my self-care.  It was bigger than just the basics.  I had to get serious about rest and down time and really doing things to help me recover. I am not going to tell you what I did because it is so individual and unique for each person.

Over and over again I see my clients running the same pattern that I had been running for a year; run yourself ragged until you get sick or injured and then, and only then, give yourself permission to actually let your body rest and take physical, mental and emotional downtime.

Some of my clients fight to keep this pattern alive because it is all they have known and who they have been for so long. In some cases this patterns allows us to avoid the deeper wounds that we don’t want to face.

I get it.  It took illness, injury, and almost getting hospitalized for me to get the message.

And the thing is, now that I have taken the measures to remedy it and created a new pattern, I have never been more productive.

I get up every morning at 5 AM with no alarm! I have so much energy sometimes I workout twice a day and my mental clarity and focus are better than they have ever been.

All this simply because I chose to STOP the insanity and make myself a priority.

I know that it isn’t necessarily easy, but ask yourself this, is it easier to care for yourself now, or wait until after your body feels broken?  It is really up to you.

So dear one, if you are among the many incredible people who are just destroying it professionally but also destroying your health and the relationships that matter the most to you, I invite you to reconsider.  It is NOT heroic to put yourself, your needs, and your self-care second.  It is not a measure of your achievement to get sick in the process and you certainly CANNOT be of service and come from a spacious and open place of love if you can’t give that to yourself first and foremost.

It isn’t easy for me to admit that I wasn’t practicing what I teach for a long time and I can tell you, now that I do, I actually feel congruent, authentic and truly like myself.

You deserve that too. So, what are you going to do about?

From my loving heart to yours.

With Aloha,

Pegah

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Feel Your Feelings

I just watched a pretty great TED talk about the importance of feeling our emotions and in it, Psychologist Susan David talks about how often she hears people tell that they don’t want to feel an emotion. Stating often that “I don’t want to do it because I don’t want to feel disappointed” or “I just want this feeling to go away.” She makes a great point that the only people who don’t bump up against disappointment or the stress of being alive are people who are actually dead…as in deceased. Anyone who is up to something, be it raising a family, being in a relationship, or making a difference in the world is going to have normal emotions that are uncomfortable and sometimes even seemingly unbearable.

When my dad passed away last March and then an important relationship ended on the heels of that, I felt every emotion. Many of them incredibly difficult and really freaking uncomfortable. I remember saying to my coach, my mom, my friends, “I just want to stop feeling like this.” I wanted that sadness to go away. I wanted the heaviness of that grief to lift already. And no amount of NLP or release work was going to do it.

I teach techniques to release negative emotions and I couldn’t get out from under mine.

But what I realized was this. The techniques we teach are designed to release baggage. Unwarranted or inappropriate negative emotions that prevent us from moving forward and doing what we are meant to do in this lifetime. What I was experiencing was normal and it was healthy.

Being sad when a loved one dies or a relationship ends or we experience disappointment because a business venture falls flat is normal and we MUST allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling. When we don’t, we actually CREATE baggage because we shove the emotions down and do not let them process and move out.

It felt like an eternity went by before I could experience real true joy after my dad passed away and the process of grieving was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But when I actually allowed myself to lean into the process, feel, and UNCONDITIONALLY accept whatever was coming up as the healing was happening, the tide began to shift and I started to see the light again.

My own resilience was a culmination of a lot of things, many of which I teach on and coach people with and my healing began with acceptance. As Susan David says in her TED talk, “Tough emotions are a part of our contract with Life.”

So, dear one, if you are going through something big right now and it is uncomfortable, I feel you. Lean in, surrender, and trust that this will pass. And though you may not be able to see it, that light inside of you is still on, even if it is a bit dim right now. It will shine again, brighter than ever.

From my heart to yours with Aloha,

PK

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The Slight Edge…

There’s a book I love called the The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.

In it he talks about the importance of doing things everyday that move you forward on your path to your goal. They don’t have to be huge, in fact it is the little things done with consistency over time that make the biggest difference.

As he says, they are “easy to do, and just as easy not to do.” Success is a daily practice. I know that sometimes it can feel challenging and, it is in those moments when we are most challenged, that the daily practices are most important.

When an unexpected obstacle shows up or there is a massive loss or big transition, it can be tempting to fall away from our daily routines and commitments.

We can even use those moments as reasons or excuses not to do what we know is in our best interest. It is exactly in those times, that recommitting and reconnecting to our bigger purpose and the bigger why is crucial.

As I go through my own time of transition with the loss of my dad, I can attest to it. There have been days when I “just don’t feel like it”. But I will tell you that it is especially on those days that getting my workout in or doing that daily meditation have been my saving grace.

Being gentle with yourself is important and you can do that and still stay consistent when you connect to that bigger reason why what you are doing matters to you.

Everyday will be different, sometimes you will take massive action, sometimes it will be a step. But no matter how big or small the action is, it adds up over time.

Acknowledge yourself for staying in the game and trust that your focus, patience and perseverance will pay off.

 

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